On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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