Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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