how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
