Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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