Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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