In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
