I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
