i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
