Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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