She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
