Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
