you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize