didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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