So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
