pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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