What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
