Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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