she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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