It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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