I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
