he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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