apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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