you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize