We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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