Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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