very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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