so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
