I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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