Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
