Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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