Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize