your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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