I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
