talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
