dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
