i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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