I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i out mim tonsoeep
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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