She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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