I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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