I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
