i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
