Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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