just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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