I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
