hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
