It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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