Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
