Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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