yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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