Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
