I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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