mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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