you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
