We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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