dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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