Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone came in the potted fern
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
