if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
