new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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