dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
