She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
