Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
