Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
