If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize