.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
