Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
