We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
