then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
