So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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