Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize