Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
