I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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