it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I want is dick and wine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
