In the future we'll all be gay
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
