I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
